Well, today marks the start of WOT4 for my wife at BMT. The past 4 weeks have gone by ok, but not near as fast as I would have liked them. As for my wife though, the time for her has flown by. I knew it would for her, since at BMT, you have so much going on, that you really don't have time to think about stuff, you just have time to do.
So far in the last 3 1/2 weeks, things have not got quite like I thought they would. I figured I was a pretty tough guy, well, in the last 4 weeks, I have been proved otherwise. I've been through a lot in my 35 years, but nothing that can compare to my wife and best friend being away. As my daughters say, I'm a pretty tough guy, but I have an extreme soft spot in my heart for my wife. I figured I would be the tough one, the strong one on the phone calls, boy have I been proven wrong.
First though about my wife/best friend. I have received a few phone calls by now. In each call, she sounds great. She is staying extremely focused and concentrating on the task at hand. So far as far as PT goes, she is loving it. She said she is getting stronger by the day, and is losing a good bit of weight. Her ring has gotten loose, but is still staying on because of her knuckles. She said she has not had to take it off yet, and kisses it everyday like we had promised each other we would.
She is in the Band Flight and will be playing the bass drum at graduation. She really did not want to be in the Band Flight, but she is making the best of it.
This past week in WOT3, she received her Blues, and also her wonderful AF prescription glasses, that as she says, she will only have to wear for the next 5 weeks, she does not like them at all. This coming week, in WOT4, she gets to do the confidence course, gas chamber, and the band will have their first performance, all of which, she is looking forward to. Her spirits have been great, and is looking forward to seeing me and our daughters in the coming weeks at her graduation. She is loving the food, and is eating healthy. She told me that changes will be coming at home as far as what we eat.
Now, as far as I have been, and from the point of view as an AF husband. The easiest way to put it is, this has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my 35 years on this Earth. From the day that she shipped out to BMT, to today, I have pretty much cried every morning, and every night, because I am missing my baby. I read all her letters every night that she has sent me, because I cherish any and all words that I receive from her. My daughters have been my strength through all of this. I have tried not to cry around my daughters, but never the less, I normally end up crying at some point while they are around me. Once I start doing that, one of them will bring me a Kleenex, and all three will give me a hug.
The hardest times for me are the mornings and nights. In the 11+ years me and my wife have been together, and the 9+ years we have been married, I was not used to my wife being away from me for more than a few days at a time. At those times, she could at least call me several times a day. Well, it was 10 days before I could have a real conversation with her, and that was only a 15 minute phone call. So far to date, I have only been able to talk to my wife for a total of 45 minutes. Her letters are what get me through from day to day, phone call to phone call, and letter to letter. This past week, she was finally allowed to start sending letters out every day at the end of the duty day. I've been used to laying down at night with her, while we fell asleep with her head on my shoulder. In the mornings, I had gotten used to waking up to her every morning, and always gave her a kiss before I jumped in the shower. The nights and mornings have been the biggest adjustment for me, and honestly, something I never want to get used to. Cuddling with a pillow, is just not quite the same, as cuddling with my wife.
This is the reason I have not been real good at posting on here daily like I had planned. I have had a really hard time with my wife/best friend being away from me. It's tough to write with tears in ones eyes. Another reason, I have not posted much, is be cause I wanted to stay positive in my post, assuming that this pain of my wife being gone at this time, would get better, but it has not. I told her I would write a blog though in a recent letter, so that is what I am doing. I can honestly say, that my heart has been broken, and the only thing that can fix it, is for my wife to finish BMT and Tech school and to get home on time, that way I can cuddle with her again, or talk to her when I want. She is my world, my everything. My soul mate, my best friend. I can say that I am lost without her. She definitely completes me.
It's amazing the small things that one takes for granted until faced with something like this. I never took my wife for granted, but took the small stuff that mean a lot for granted. Like the simple rolling over in the morning before my shower, and being able to give her a kiss, or things like being able to tell her how much I love her every night, and every morning. Simple things like just being able to hold her hand, and push her hair back from her face while she is sleeping. These are things I will never take for granted again, once she returns home to me.
On a positive note, my love for her grows daily while she is away. This is something, that I know in my heart that is bring her and I even closer and making us and our marriage even stronger. Something that will not be able to be broken. As the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fond, and I'm here to tell you, that it is absolutely true. I have never missed my wife so much, or have I ever loved her so much. Like I said, my love grows for her daily. I know her love for me grows daily as well, and I know that she misses me as well.
The girls have been great, going on with life like normal. The do miss mommy, and love mommy very much, but have been able to adjust to this time while mommy has been gone. I had promised my wife that I would be strong for the girls, but as it has turned out, the girls have been strong for me.
Saying all this, and being in as much pain as I am in, and with my heart being as broken as it is right now, I am so so proud of my wife. I would go through all this pain again, and all this heart ache again, if it meant that my wife could follow her dreams, and that following her dreams is what made her happy. It's a pain very much worth it, when its for the one that you love so much. I can honestly say that I love my wife unconditionally, and would go through anything, if it meant that she could follow her dreams and be happy. It's a very small thing for me to go through, to let my wife know that I love her so much. I just keep counting down the days until I get to see her again, and until she gets to come back home, as that is all I can do.
Baby, I am so so PROUD of you. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY, to the moon and back! I am SOOOO IN LOVE with YOU. I think of you constantly, and miss you more than my words can describe.
